Scourgify, Aguamenti, and Titillando
by CloudSpires1295
Summary: (AU What if the Marauders and Lily survived fic) Harry comes home from the Auror office to find quite a mess waiting for him, the source of which is rather questionable. Cannon Pairings, featuring Next Gen. characters. Rated K for Marauders silliness.


**So, hello Harry Potter fandom. I'm fairly new to your ranks and, at the moment, I'm supposed to be wrapping up the sixth book and moving on to the seventh but I just had to do this. The whole '****_What if the Marauders and Lily had lived_****' prompt has been done so many times before, but this little piece popped into my head and I couldn't resist. Obviously an AU because of the prompt and because Wormtail will be ignored.**

**My British terminology has been improving since I started reading the series, but I don't trust myself to use it correctly so don't expect to see a lot of it. I've lived in Texas for all my life, but I'm willing to at least try.**

**Obviously, James, Sirius, Remus, and Lily are alive, and I'm keeping it focused on the first, second, and third generations of the Potter family, Siri, and Remus. Whoever else is still alive or able-minded, in the case of Neville's parents, can be left to your imaginations, as well as what became of Voldemort.**

**Without further ado, my first attempt at an HP oneshot...**

* * *

When Harry came home from the Auror's office, he expected to find his lovely wife Ginny waiting on him, along with their three children, all smiles and laughter to soothe away the stress of being Head Auror. Maybe dinner would be cooking on the stove... The last thing he expected was, upon opening the door, to be assaulted by the putrid, powerful, and utterly overwhelming stench of dung bombs.

"Bloody... _Jame Sirius_," he called, "what's the meaning of- _Dad_? _Sirius_?" The young man frowned as his father, the original James, and his two sons, James Sirius and Albus Severus, and his godfather, Sirius, peered out the kitchen. Their cheeks, arms, and fronts were coated with dung bomb residue and, shockingly, both his father and godfather had alarmingly large grins on their faces.

"It was brilliant, Harry," James Senior spoke up, reaching up absently to ruffle his dung bomb-riddled mop of hair, "Little Lily-Flower had her first bout of accidental magic!"

"Bloody brilliant," Sirius agreed wholeheartedly, wiping some of the residue off of his cheek, "but quite messy."

"She _did_?" Harry questioned, "but that doesn't quite explain the dung bombs... where's Lily?"

"Uncle Remus has her, Dad," James II responded, looking quite disgruntled, "she threw a tantrum and blew up my dung bomb supply."

"Sweet Merlin," Harry raked his hand through his own messy mop of hair, "Ginny and Mum are going have kittens. How'd you get those dung bombs, James? I know your Mum told your Uncle George not to give you anymore after the last time."

As he said this, the second oldest Potter male noticed that the glowing smiles on his father and godfather's faces had begun to melt off like hot candle wax, "Dad..."

"You know I can't say no to a Marauder in-training, Harry," James began to plead his case, and Harry rolled his eyes, "Mum and Ginny'll have your heads, you two."

"_Me_?" Sirius looked scandalized, "I was just tagging along, this barmy git," he hit his best friend in the arm, "is the one who actually handled the galleons."

"Padfoot, if I hadn't paid for the bombs then you certainly would've been more than willing to," Prongs hit his fellow Animagus in the arm in retribution, "and don't bloody hit me, I'm old and fragile."

_"Fragile my arse_." Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed, "where's our Tiger Lily when you need her? We could use one of her good old scouring charms."

"Grandpop James, you told me that you're forever young," eight year-old Albus looked confused, "so how can you be old _and _young?"

Harry walked over to his youngest son and used the sleeve of his Auror robes to wipe some of the dung bomb mess off of his round cheeks, "you shouldn't take everything your crazy Grandfather says to heart, Al, he's getting senile in his old age."

"Oi, I take offense to that." James the 1st was indignant, but his son ignored him, instead reaching into his pocket to remove his wand, "outside, you lot. There's a few _Augamenti _and _Scourgify_ charms with your names on them."

"Yes sir, Auror Potter, sir," Sirius responded in a high, mocking voice, "whatever you say, sir." Harry responded by stringing him up by his ankle with a nonverbal _Levicorpus_, at which the two James and Albus began to laugh raucously at his predicament.

It was at this moment that Remus returned to the living room with little Lily Luna Potter perched on his hip. The little hazel-eyed girl was nibbling away on a piece of chocolate that her Uncle Moony had given her.

"Daddy," she cried out at the sight of Harry, "Jamie and Alby wouldn't let me play with them, and when I got mad, Jamie's dung bombs went boom."

"Is that so, love?" Harry inquired, silently releasing his godfather from the hold. The older man fell flat on his stomach and looked up at Harry with mutinous eyes, "you're as incorrigible as your git of a father."

"Who's incorrigible?" Ginny Potter inquired as she entered her home, closely followed by her mother in-law, one Lily Potter. The two women were levitating a few bags filled with groceries with them into the household, and James Sr. moved aside so the bags wouldn't hit him on their way into the kitchen.

"What is that dreadful smell?" Lily inquired, stepping further into the house. Her verdant green eyes landed on her husband and grandsons and she scowled at the elder of the three, "James Charlus Potter, what is the meaning of this?"

"Lily-Flower, it wasn't my fault," James began, and then shot a playful scowl at his son when he muttered, "_that's debatable_," under his breath, "our little Lily-Flower had a bout of accidental magic and set off Jamie's dung bombs, that's all."

"_Dung bombs?_" Ginny jumped in, "James Sirius, what did I tell you about dung bombs after the last time? It took a weeks worth of scouring charms to get rid of the Godric awful stench you left in the kitchen."

"I'm sorry, Mum," James looked down at his feet, "I asked Grandpop James for some and he-"

"Oi, Marauders aren't supposed to rat each other out," James Sr. jumped in, flinching at the green flames burning in his wife's eyes, "Lily..."

"Harry," the Potter matriarch spoke in an even tone, "don't worry about doing a scouring charm for your father or Sirius. They'll be able to sort themselves out on their own."

"_Tiger Lily!_"

"_Lily-Flower!_"

"Oh, don't give me those looks," Lily turned away from the two grown men shooting desperate puppy-dog eyes in her direction, "I've been around the two of you for far too long to fall for them."

"Alright you two," Harry eyed his boys, "outside, strip down to your skivvies, lets get you cleaned up." The two boys tromped down the hall to the back door, leaving dung foot prints in their wake. Their father scourgified the prints as he trailed them, chuckling under his breath.

"Uncle Padfoot and Grandpop Prongs can scour the kitchen so we can start on dinner," Ginny suggested, though it was clear in her tone that she meant business, "and my Lily and I are going to watch Al and Jamie get hosed down good and proper." She claimed her youngest child from Remus and carried her to the small library at the back of the house. The room had a window overlooking the back yard, which meant a good view of the boys getting cleaned up.

"Go on," Lily waved her husband and his best friend towards the kitchen, "get started. If you do a good enough job, I may just help you get that muck off of yourselves." That did it. The two men shared a look and hurried into the kitchen to get started on the scouring, leaving both Lily and Remus in stitches.

"Those lovable prats will never change, will they?" the auburn haired wife of James inquired, laughing merrily, "I know Ginny told the both of them that Jamie wasn't to have anymore dung bombs."

"No, I imagine they won't, Lily," Remus shook his head, "if anything, they've only gotten worse as they got older."

"Merlin, Jamie will be at Hogwarts next year," the grandmother of three shook her head, "I hope Harry doesn't give him that infernal Cloak, but I know he will... Poor Minnie, she's already dealt with two Potter boys, and now there's another two of them coming her way."

There was a shout from the kitchen and Lily smacked herself in the forehead as a large stag with broad, sweeping antlers peered out of the kitchen, looking oddly sheepish. Behind him, a large Grim sat complacently on a clean portion of linoleum, tail wagging and his tongue lolling out. Both of the majestic animals were covered in dung.

"James Charlus, whatever am I going to do with you?" she murmured, unable to stop herself from smiling as the stag approached her and pushed its wet, dark nose against the palm of her hand, "you silly toerag, you're lucky I fancy you because, otherwise, I wouldn't have the patience or presence of mind to put up with your insanity."

Lily cast a nonverbal Scouring charm to get rid of the dung clinging to his golden brown coat and then gestured to Sirius with her wand, "come here, Padfoot, I'll clean you off. Moony, could you finish the kitchen since our resident court jesters can't seem to do it themselves?"

The werewolf merely shook his head at the two Marauders and went into the kitchen to finish what little scouring that had been down. Padfoot padded over to Lily and sat down at her feet, looking up at her with amused grey eyes. The auburn haired witch ignored his look and waved her wand at him, removing the last of the dung.

"_Men_," she shook her head, "I don't know where you'd be if I couldn't sort you out."

*outside*

"Dad, that's _cold_!" James cried, flinching away from the wide stream of water Harry was directing from the tip of his wand onto him, "can't you make it warm or something?"

"Afraid I can't, Jamie," Harry responded, hiding an amused smirk, "now hold steady, I've got to get the most of this off before I scourgify you. Gran Molly says it'll leave less of a stench."

Albus stood next to his older brother, stripped down to his skivvies, waiting, and inwardly dreading, his turn under the _Aguamenti _charm. Remembering his glasses, the eight year-old walked over to the table that they ate their meals on outside and placed the circular spectacles safely on its surface. Now, there was the matter of navigating his way back over to his father and brother without the glasses.

Harry, having finished with James, conjured a fluffy towel for him to wrap himself in and walked across the yard to help his youngest son, "come on, Al, I've got you." He guided Albus to the center of the yard, "close your eyes, Al," and cast the _Aguamenti_ charm at once. Like James, Albus flinched and cried out, "_Oi_, Dad!"

"I'd warm it up if I could, believe me," Harry responded with a slight chuckle and turned to call after James, "Jamie, get your Mum or your Granny Lily to get your dirty clothes, will you?"

"Alright Dad," the towel clad ten year-old made to open the back door, only to jump back as a large stag and a black Grim made their way through, much to the chagrin of Harry, who rolled his eyes skywards and continued to clean his youngest son off, "senile, the two of them are."

Lily came out on the back porch to watch her husband and Sirius canter and trot, respectively, around the backyard, a glowing smile on her face, "do be careful, you two, you might put your backs out in your old age." James simply snorted and walked over to his son, snorting and sniffing at his hair to get a rise out of him.

"Oi, old man," Harry pushed his father's muzzle away from his head, "can't you see I'm doing something?" While he was preoccupied with his father, as well as keeping the stream of water trained on his son, Sirius returned to his human state and, with a flourish, hit his godson with a rather impressive tickling hex. From there, everything went barmy.

Laughing uncontrollably and struggling to fight off the hex, Harry accidentally increased the force of the _Aguamenti_ charm and sent Albus sprawling. Lily gasped and hurried off the porch to the aid of her grandson, "Sirius, you _git_," she cast a finite incantatem on Harry to stop the hex, "what if you made Harry hurt Albus?"_  
_

"Tiger Lily, you worry too much," The dog Animagus made his way over to the Harry-miniature lying in a small puddle of muddied water, "Oi, Al, you alright down there?"

"Fine," Albus responded, sitting up, "at least Dad got all the dung off of me." His Grandma Lily helped him to his feet, removed the mud with a _Tergeo_, scourgified him for good measure, and conjured a fluffy towel for him, "go on inside, Alby, I have to handle your father's silly godfather."

"Um, I need my glasses, Grandma Lily." Albus looked up at her with identical green eyes, "I can't see."

"Oh, right then, sweetheart," Lily waved her hand, "_Accio_ Albus's glasses!" She didn't bother with simply saying glasses, seeing as the last time she did so, she ended up with her husband's glasses, her son's glasses, _and_ Alby's glasses in her hands. The circular spectacles landed gently in her hands and she put them on his small face at once, "off you go then. Your Uncle Moony is waiting by the door to get rid of the mud on your feet."

James, who'd returned to his human form and had been laughing at his son for being downed by the tickling hex, started at the sight of the verdant flames in his wife's eyes. It was like staring down a Killing Curse, and he shuddered at the thought. Luckily for him, her eyes were on Sirius, who was trying to edge away. He was suddenly on the ground, rolling around and laughing uncontrollably, spitting out garbled swear words as Lily worked her nonverbal magic.

"Daddy," little Lily called from the porch, "Mummy said to burn Jamie and Alby's clothes. She says only Gran Molly knows how to get the smell out of them." Harry, who was removing mud from himself with his own wand now that he'd recovered, nodded, "alright love, has she started on supper?"

"Yes," the little girl nodded enthusiastically and pranced back into the house. Harry smiled as he watched her go and headed over to the porch to get the smelly piles of clothes that his sons had rid themselves of and picked them in the middle of the lawn. His gaze flicked to his father and godfather and he smirked, "if you think Ginny'll let you come in to eat supper with those smelly things on, then you'd best prepare yourself for a Bat-Bogey Hex."

"I can conjure you both some fresh clothing," Lily spoke up before they could protest, "shed those smelly things and..." she trailed off, eyeing James' sweater closely, "isn't that the lovely sweater that Molly made you for your birthday this year? Merlin, James, you've ruined the poor thing."

James looked down at his sweater and innocently shrugged, "Oh Godric, I guess I did... Oh well, then. No use crying over spilt milk, Lily-Flower." Harry coughed to hide a snort; he knew his father _hated_ the sweater Molly had made him and was glad to be rid of it. It seemed a bit coincidental that he was wearing it when his little Lily had her bout of accidental magic...

When his mother returned to the house to help Ginny in the kitchen, Harry sidled up to his father, "so... Lily did accidental magic, did she, Dad? Coincidentally around some fresh dung bombs _and_ when you're wearing Molly's sweater that you hate so bloody much, or so you tell me. Seems a bit... _odd_." His father grabbed him around the neck and knuckled the top of his head, "You sound like your Mum used to when she was a Prefect. Always interrogating me and Pads."

"Marauders don't rat each other out, right Dad?" Harry, after getting himself loose, smirked widely, "your secret's safe with me." With that, he turned to head back into the house, leaving the two older men to handle the smelly clothes.

"See, Pads? I knew I was raising a proper Marauder," James remarked, pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, "I'm so _proud_." Sirius snorted and began unbuttoning his shirt, "Oh please, Harry's not going to squeal on us because he doesn't want to bring the wrath of the Marauders down on himself."

Lily returned then to lay some clothing out on the table and returned to the house. James watched her go appreciatively as he tossed the last of his clothing onto the pile, "Oi, Pads, hurry it up, will you? The sun's going down and then it'll be bloody cold out here."

"Sod off, you prat, I'm almost done," the Black heir removed his pants and tossed them onto the pile with a flourish, "there. Happy now, you impatient nag?" James ignored him and waved his wand, "_Incendio_. Come on, then, lets get dressed and head inside so we can eat with the others."

"Prongs, you prat, we can't leave a fire burning out here, we'll burn down Prongslet's house, and Ginny, or Lily the Second as I like to call her, will have our bogeys battering us like bludgers for weeks. She throws a mean Bat-Bogey hex, you know."

"I'll rue the day that Lily decides to start using that hex on me," the eldest Potter swallowed thickly, "I don't know how Harry copes with it." The clothes, now sufficiently burned, were doused with a quick jet of water, and the two old friends hurriedly dressed in the clothing that Lily had conjured for them.

"_Oi,_" James cried, taking a closer look at the sweater that Lily had conjured for him, "this is the same bleeding sweater... What's this?" A piece of torn parchment rested on the trousers, and the Potter picked it up to read the small message on it. He recognized that small, curling, and graceful scrawl anywhere._  
_

'_Did you really think I didn't know you hated that sweater?_'

Underneath the message Lily had drawn a small face with dots for eyes and a curved line for a mouth and charmed it to stick it's tongue out and wink one of its eyes at him. Despite himself, James laughed and pulled his pants on, "that wonderful woman will be the death of me, I swear it. Come on, Pads, lets head on in, yeah?"

"After you, Prongs," Sirius bowed deeply, "my good sir."

"Stop being a barmy git, Pads," the elder Potter rolled his eyes, "last one in has to give up his dessert." Before Sirius could fully comprehend what James had said, the Potter Partriarch had disapparated with a loud crack.

"_Sod it, James! _Damned git, I hope he splinched his bloody tongue off."

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**I don't like this, but I gave it my best shot. Definitely needs some work. Please, be gentle with the reviews, this is my first HP fanfic. I hope you at least liked it! I think my next try will be solely cannon, though.**

**-_CloudSpires1295_**


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